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The
results are in! You have chosen the Top Ten Ways To
Know Your Domain Stinks by sending us your favorites
from the original list of 37 compiled by DomeBase. As
promised, three lucky voters, drawn at random, will receive a
spiffy new Dear Domey
cartoon T-Shirt of your choice from qShirts.com.
Congratulations go to the winners whose entries were
signed DotBIZ, Jonathan & Robin Freeman!
Now
without further ado, we proudly present (so proudly that we
use a pseudonym on this column so no one will know who is
really responsible) The Top Ten
Ways To Know Your Domain Stinks, as selected by Dear
Domey readers at DNJournal.com (presented in
reverse order of popularity so we can accuse David
Letterman of copying from us!):
| You Know That Your Domain Stinks When...
|
| #10. |
...SEDO starts billing you for page views! |
| #9. |
...even Dr. Kevorkian refuses to help you accelerate
it's delete date.
|
| #8. |
...you enter the forum chat room and six people offer you
domains ranging from $500 to $3,000. The domains are all unregistered.
|
| #7. |
...someone hacks into your computer and takes control of your
domains. After
two days, they spontaneously return control to you and
transfer $500 to your Paypal account with a note of
sympathy.
|
| #6. |
...you leave your computer to get a snack and your cat swats a
fly on your keyboard. The domain registered as a result gets
more traffic than yours. |
| #5. |
...you put it up for appraisal and your thread only gets 6
views ...in which 5 of those are yours.
|
| #4. |
...your registrar gives you "free registrar
privacy service" so that the WHOIS does not
identify the registrar for the domain.
|
| #3. |
...the one click you got last month was just you making sure
the server wasn't down.
|
| #2. |
...NameScout transfers it away the same day of your
request, no questions asked.
|
| ...and
the #1 way to know your domains stinks! |
|
#1. |
...you go to pay to register the domain and get a screen that
says "Are You Sure (Yes/No)?"
You click "Yes."
The same screen appears again.
|
A
BIG thank you to all who helped choose the Top Ten by
sending in your votes! If these tickled your funny bone you
might like to revisit the original contest article below that
includes all 37 original ways to know your domain
stinks!
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Now...inspired
by a thread by RobertF at DomainState,
Cosmo's cover page lists, and late night TV... Dear
Domey discloses the definitive domain diagnostic diorama
-- "You Know That Your Domain Stinks When..."!
Just how bad is your domain?
There's only one way to tell for sure!
Read the following numbered ways to tell if your domain
stinks and if the URL fits, wear it!
Some of them were contributed by forum members whose
handles are shown in parentheses. They are listed in alphabetical order.
As
they say on TV... "And that's not all!"
Pick your five favorite lines and send their
numbers in an e-mail to [email protected].
DN Journal will tally the votes and publish the
lines that get the most votes in the ground-breaking "Top
10 Ways to Know that Your Domain Stinks!"
Hey, maybe Cosmo will feature it on their cover?
Maybe David Letterman will read it on his show?
Maybe GoDaddy will feature it in a Super Bowl
commercial? And
then again...maybe not! But in any case it will be fun
and potentially rewarding to YOU!
DN
Journal will select three lucky e-mail voters in a
random drawing and each will get to pick out the Dear Domey
cartoon of their choice at qShirts.com
and will get that cartoon on a Free T-Shirt (as long as
we can get a package to them by UPS or elephant)!
Don't get greedy and send in more than one vote
(especially if you live in a blue, red, or slightly avocado
state); we reserve the right to drop multiple votes if there
is evidence that they come from the same source. (Contest
now closed). Dome-ocracy for all! Vote today! Read 'em and Weep!
You
Know That Your Domain Stinks When...
1)
...a Vice Presidential candidate mentions your domain
by mistake during a debate and you still only get 12 hits.
2)
...after you register the domain, all spam to your e-mail
stops due to professional courtesy.
3)
...as you bid for an expiring domain, a shill bidder colludes
with your registrar to artificially inflate the price, but
only offers half what you are bidding.
4)
...even Dr. Kevorkian refuses to help you accelerate
it's delete date. (CrankyOldMan)
5)
...Google shows that it means something in the language
of an obscure tribe, but there is no translation.
A month after registering it, you begin receiving
daily, soggy, foul-smelling, boat-shipped packages marked with
pictures of some type of sloth.
6)
...NameScout transfers it away the same day of your
request, no questions asked. (doughmein)
7)
...Network Solutions offers you $9.99 if you promise to
let your domain expire and not register it again for the next
100 years.
8)
...not only do domain discussion forums ban you, but they rig
your keyboard with a taser activated by attempted
access to any registrar web page.
9)
...people who type in your domain are found to have a 36%
higher incidence of tunnel carpal syndrome.
10)
...SEDO starts billing you for page views. (The
Columbian)
11)
...someone hacks into your computer and takes control of your
domains. After
two days, they spontaneously return control to you and
transfer $500 to your Paypal account with a note of
sympathy.
12)
...someone offers you $200 for your domain.
However, they cancel their offer when they discover
that what looks like the letter "O" in the middle of
the word really is the letter "O" and not the number
zero.
13)
...the domain infringes on a trademark.
You get a letter of thanks from their lawyer for
"making more people aware of it."
14)
...the Googlebot refuses to visit your site as a matter
of principle.
15)
...the one click you got last month was just you making sure
the server wasn't down. (subg)
16)
...the only way you can get people to click on your sales
thread is to label it "!!!LOOK AT THIS!!!"
with ten sets of ornamental squiggles on either side.
17)
...users require extra keyboard keys to type it.
18)
...you create sites at the .NET, .ORG, .INFO, .BIZ and .COOP
version of your domain, but no one registers the .COM.
19)
...you enter the forum chat room and six people offer you
domains ranging from $500 to $3,000. The domains are all unregistered.
20)
...you figure that if domains with the prefixes "e",
"1", "www," or "best" are good,
that domains with all four are even better.
21)
...you get an exclusive invitation to the "LACKOFTRAFFIC"
Domain Conference held in Bemidgi during February.
22)
...you go to pay to register the domain and get a screen that
says "Are You Sure (Yes/No)?"
You click "Yes."
The same screen appears again.
23)
...you leave your computer to get a snack and your cat swats a
fly on your keyboard. The domain registered as a result gets
more traffic than yours.
24)
...you make a promotional post about your domain in a forum
"News" section and absolutely no one complains that
it should be moved to "Promotions and Advertising."
25)
...you park your domain.
It gets booted and towed.
26)
...you post a thread about the name in a forum and not even
Goh comes up with a link providing any information about what
it may mean.
27)
...you put it up for appraisal and your thread only gets 6
views ...in which 5 of those are yours... (Chad)
28)
...you say the domain out loud and your dog starts howling
uncontrollably.
29)
...you try pronouncing the domain at a dorm party.
An international exchange student shrieks and throws their drink
in your face.
30)
...you try to sell it using a reverse auction and it does not
sell until it reaches -$45.
31)
...you try to register it at Network Solutions, but
they say they can not take your money in good conscience.
32)
...your domain can only be accessed by people with
"special software" on their computer and the
"special software" can only be downloaded by people
with access to your domain.
33)
...your domain is listed in Google with a link
"Don't Bother Translating."
34)
...your domain is promoted on eBay as
"unique."
35)
...your full-service registrar does not bother sending you any
e-mails when the domain is expiring.
36)
...your registrar gives you "free registrar
privacy service" so that the WHOIS does not
identify the registrar for the domain.
37)
...the DROA drops you from their mailing list.
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